Losing It

We made it through another night without puking, but Abby did suffer an afternoon setback as she lost her snack and part of her lunch. Geoff walked right into the smell of fresh vomit (it sat around a little longer than usual, as it happened while I was in the midst of changing a rather loose diaper on the other child) when he arrived home early from work so that I could go to the local bookstore to meet Rachael Ray.

Describing Rachael's book signing as chaotic would be an understatement. There were a limited number of tickets given to the signing, and if you didn't get one you were out of luck. As you may have guessed with my luck, I did not get a ticket. But I did get out of the house and to the signing, and I did purchase two of her new books, so I was determined to wait it out in the slight chance that I may get my books signed. I perched myself on the perimeter of the crowd and found myself drawn to a small gathering of women. They were chatting and laughing, and thoroughly enjoying their time together. I couldn't help but smile as their joy radiated through the entire sitting area. That smile that give me the slightest moment's pleasure quickly faded and was replaced by jealousy, then outright anger that followed me through the rest of the night. I was swimming in a pool of self pity: why can't I have a girls night out with friends? Do I not deserve any pleasures beyond a container of Key Lime yogurt? It went on and on, all of the things I sit by and watch others do that I can only dream of.... a honeymoon, a vacation--a real vacation--and trips to Minnesota don't count, I'm sorry! No need to feel sorry for me, I've been doing enough of that for myself. The truth is I am at the bottom of a W curve, and it can only go up from here. It has to. I do not know how much more of this I can humanly take!

Thus far this morning Abby has done well. Lauren is another situation entirely; there is a reason we've nicknamed her 'Stevie'. She has a terrible temper these days, she whines and whines, she bites, pinches, hits, kicks, and she is excessively clingy to me; getting anything done (even having a meal) is nearly impossible at times. Frankly, I'm tired of being tired of it all.

So to answer your question, I did not get Rachael's signature, just a few pictures. The girls have their GI appointment at the hospital tomorrow. Here's to wishful thinking that we will finally have some answers and a solution, and that my luck will start to change.