Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Snack Confusion

Tonight Abby questioned, "What does Mrs. Hart say, 'Sit like a pretzel' for when she reads us a story?"

Trying to reinforce Mrs. Hart's policies I replied, "So you keep your legs under your body and to yourself. Do you like to sit like a pretzel?"

"No, I like to sit like a Dorito."

Friday, September 18, 2009

The Mean Mom. The Bully.

Life with Lauren has been trying, to say the least. If life in the twos is terrible, life in the threes is far from a breeze. It is one thing after another with this young lady, and today was really no worse than usual, it was just put on public display.

Twice today I had to remove Lauren from a store by hauling her carcass out over my shoulder. The tantrums escalate to a display worthy of an Academy Award. The first came in Target, the result of not getting an Icee. Out we went. The second was on a much grander scale, this time I paraded right through the food court with my naughty just as the patrons were flocking for lunch. Only this time I wasn't just accessorizing with Tiny Tot over my shoulder, I was also wearing the crustiest glare I could muster up.

After we enjoyed a nice mid-morning snack, I told Lauren she could spend some time playing in the kids area. She was having a ball, running, climbing, and bouncing about. That is until she ran into Long Hair Boy. Lauren had climbed up onto a delivery truck and perched herself onto one of the sides. What Long Hair Boy had against Lauren I do not know, but he was bound and determined to take her place and never give it back. Ever. She moved on for a while, but when she went back, there was Long Hair Boy. Eventually Lauren ran to me in frustration, "She is stupid," she proclaimed with her eyes full of tears. We took a few minutes to gather our good graces and I reminded her that the perpetrator was not a girl, but a boy with exceptionally long hair. With just a few minutes until it was time to bug out I wanted to leave on a high note, so I encouraged her to give it another shot. Well, you can about guess what happened next. When Long Hair Boy saw her coming, he reclaimed his post at the top of the mountain. If I had a mirror, I'm sure I could have seen the smoke coming out of my very own ears. There was no way around it; this kid sucked. His grandma was oblivious. Does Long Hair Boy not know that the slightest thing sets off Lauren, and as a consequence, I have to deal with the wrath? I wanted to pull his scraggly long hair and point out how much I loathed him in that moment, but that would not solve anything. It also would not set a very good example for my young daughter. So I did the next best thing. I stared him down. It was a piercing stare. And several times I broke from it, only to stab him again and again with my angry mommy eyes. He may have won in his battle with Lauren, but in this Mommy vs. Long Hair Boy playground rumble, I was the queen of the mountain.

I'm not particularly proud of my behavior. But I have this to say, it is a classic example of a gift mother nature has given to all of its mothers. Don't piss off a mom.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


Abby left the dance floor twice at Bob & Cassie's wedding dance.... Once to go to the bathroom, and another time to get a drink, and only because I insisted. That's it. She was dancing before the dance even started, and when it was over asked, "Why is everybody leaving?"

This video pretty much sums up her evening.

Abby In Paradise

(Remember to pause the playlist on the right side of the blog to hear the video.)


{About Me}

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Fairborn, Ohio, United States
I'm a teacher by trade, writer at heart & mom in every sense of my being. I never considered writing as a profession, but after I got married and began moving around the country, I began sharing my adventures, misadventures & updates through a sort of e-mail newsletter. I found a true passion in unconventional story-telling that has followed me into motherhood.